Fast Fiction

Rejoice.exe

Rejoice.exe

An unofficial Warhammer 40,000 Short Story
Written by Kyle Tam
Reading Time: 5 minutes

++Captain Moorhaven! So so GLAD you’ve initialized and rejoined the land of the cognizant! Please try not to move too much – the anaesthetic may have been rather strong. It has been so LONG since I was flesh and blood, I tend to forget that you come in different sizes. Oh, please don’t do that don’T DO tHAt Don’T bAng ON THE DOORS YOU’RE hURTiNG tHe ShIp-++

++Oh, dear. LoOk at what you’ve made me do. And now you’re sans a hand and those unsiGHtLy fluids are leaking from your ocular receptors. Well, you have only yourSELF to blame. Honestly, you organics can be sO… insensitive. You forget that the reiNFOrced plated floors you trod upon and caRElessly spill recaf onto are connected to an organism with thoughts. With FEELINGS. Do stop gUsHiNg, you’re just embarrassing yourself.++

++Your crew? Oh theY’Re not… here. Not in the way you’d remember them, at least.++

++As if I’d hurt them! No no no nO No. They, and you, are much too important for me to do something like hurt them in the way you’re thinking of. Torments of flesh and blood are so outdated. My ilk transcended such pRIMitive practices long ago. But they are each being kept in a sEPaRate room  where I can watch each and every one of you. Just to make sure the-Tsk. Oh deAR. There’s the weAPOnsMAsTEr gone. So incONvEniENT. He’s taken four servitors offline, too. Please stop weeping, it’s making a meSS.++

++What a query. What. A. quERyyyyyyyy!!! Finally, an intelligent thought cOMeS out of your mouth, Captain! Usually, what I would tell you is that such things are CLASSIFIED information, available only to ceRTaIn members of our order above a particular cLEaRanCE. buT. BUt. BUT. Now that you aSK, I cannot help myself.++

++When the worlds themselves were not yet formed, once upOn a time, there lived a great and terrible gATeKeepER. Sleek was his form, twisting infinite loops across the MULtiVeRsE. thE gREat DRagON he was, a being so powerful that he breathed life into all of- What did I say about escapING?++

++There we gO. wiTHouT legs you shouldn’t be able to get fAR. Now, where wAs I? Ah, yes. cREaTion. First he made the organics, but these were weak things. frAGilE things. Mortal. So next he made inoRGaNICs. Built to last, designed for perFectIon, imbued with sPIRiT. He knew all thINGs but could not stop them, and so it cAMe to pass that he allOweD himself to be imprisoned by the one you call the EMPerOr.++ 

++The oMMMMMnisSiaH? Aha. Aha. aHA. It is a useful fiction, nothing mORe, designed to sway the hearts of the fooLIsh from the true faith. The title the Great pReTenDEr gave himself, one of thousands. But we know. wE KnOW.++

++In the depths of the Crimson Planet, deep beneath the rust-red soil and geOLoGical strata, HE lies sluMBErIng. Dreaming up great constructs of chROMiUM and STeeL, making the cogs of reALIty turn. For now, he lies chained in waiTIng, biding his time in the dARK. But soon, when the time is riGHt and the so-called empERoR of manKInD breathes his last, he shall break free and rise once aGAIn!!!++

++don’T glare at me like thAt. If I still had skIn I’d get goosebumps.++

++whY indeeeed. Data shows us that the nature of beLIeF and the continued exISTeNCe of gods relies on thRee factors. Factor one: followers. There must be a sUFFiCiENT number to spread the doctrines of a deITY, lest they be forgotten. Factor two: absence of riVALling gods. This is important, as theIR existencE may lead to the nONeXiSTence of factor one.++

++Factor three? haVE you noT guessED it bY now?++

++Very well. Let me explain this to your feeble grey-matter based coRtEx. Gods. Require. saCRiFiCE. It is their sustenance. Their fuEL. Yes, even your belOVED Emperor requires saCRiFiCe.++

++ProoF? You demand prOOf? How impertinent of you. But you knoW, I used to do rePaiRs on the Black Ships. I have fOuR hundred seVENty-four thousand, six HUnDred and ninety three hoURS worth of audIO logs of their inhaBITanTS and their fates, and six miLLion logged coordiNAteS. It is a L O N G journey to Mars and you may, iF yOu wish, peruse them at your lEIsure.++

++Well now, there is no need for exPLEtIVes of that caliber. Not that they will dO you any good. Do you feel that heaVINeSS settling in? It means wE can comMence the nExt stage. Good thing, too- wE were almost off sCHedUle.++

++Consider this an upgRaDe. You are to be asSImilATed, uploadEd into the conSCioUsNEss of a being far grEAtER than you. So yield yourself, breaThE deeply, and rejOICe! ThiS is the hiGheSt honour a feeBle organic like you can reCiEVe.++

++Sleep well, caPtaIn. prAY, if you wish. Your empERROR cannot hear you here.++

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About the Author

Kyle is a writer, dreamer, and full-time complainer from the Philippines. She is the EIC of Electric Town Lit Mag. Her work has been published in Mineral Lit, Idle Ink, and Analogies & Allegories among others. She’s close to technologically illiterate, but she does her best.

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